When I’m driving to and from work there’s not really much point in putting in a CD, since I’ll be home after about one to two songs.  So I usually listen to the radio.  But even the alt-rock (or emo or whatever the kids are calling it nowadays) station plays primarily the same ten or fifteen songs, with about every fourth or fifth song being something from my era.  But when I’m tired of hearing Velvet Revolver whine about falling to pieces I’ll turn over to “Kiss,” the station that proudly ascribes unto itself the title “number one hit music station”--as if that is a good thing--so that I can get an idea of what ten or fifteen songs the cool kids are listening too.  This is not because I believe that this will somehow make me cool.  Long ago I discarded any desire for “coolness” and accepted--nay, embraced!--my geek status.  No friends, I listen to Kiss so that I have new material to make fun of.  Because I can only make jokes about the lyric “fo shizzle my nizzle” for so long (and I think my time for that ran out about three or four years ago).

While listening to the song “Don’t Cha,” it wasn’t just the dumb lyrics that caught my attention.  What really makes this craptastic song extra funny is the background vocals.  They are just echoes of the dumb lyrics, but in an even more annoying voice.

I present for you Exhibit A: the chorus (with background vocals shown in italics):

      Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
      Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?   like me
      Don’t cha, don’t cha baby
      Don’t cha
      Don’t cha wish your girlfriend raw like me?   raw
      Don’t cha wish your girlfriend fun like me?   big fun

The funniest part of this is when the background singer says “raawwww.”  Listen for it the next time you are exposed to this musical interpretation of a train wreck!

Now, I present for you Exhibit B:  the funniest lines in this song in my opinion:

      Maybe next lifetime   maybe next lifetime
      Possibly   possibly

The only reason this sentence was split into two lines is because someone couldn’t think of any better lyric.  The awesome hilariousness of this lyric probably doesn’t come through when you read it here.  But trust me.  If you listen for this lyric (it’s near the end), the background vocals in particular sound so terribly forced and out-of-place that it is hilarious.

If you are forced to suffer through this song, train your ears to pick up the background vocals amidst the din.  You will at least get something entertaining from the song.

I know we’d have a good time
I’m your friend, I’m fun, and I’m fine
I ain’t lying