So I got ripped off on eBay.  It actually happened in November, but I am only just now mentioning it here for the same reason most rape incidents go unreported:  it’s embarrassing to admit you got screwed.  Yes, I just equated losing two hundred dollars to being raped.

When I found out that there was a Pearl Pink Nintendo DS bundled with Nintendogs Best Friends Edition, I had to make that Stephanie’s Christmas present.  But it turned out that the pink system was extremely limited, and they only sold it at Toys ‘R Us and K-B Toys (maybe a few other places, but definitely not Best Buy or EB Games).  So while I could have purchased it in a store for $149.99 in August, by November I could only find them on eBay, where they ran for around $200.  After watching the auctions for a couple of weeks and losing a few of them, I found this one for $190.00 with Buy It Now, and I figured that was as cheap as I was going to find it (and by mid-December they were going for $250+).  The guy (whom I will refer to as “Dick” from here on out) had a feedback rating of 33, which didn’t seem bad, with only one negative comment from long ago when he was a buyer.  On November 14 I made this purchase.  $190.00 + $10.00 shipping + $2.00 for shipping insurance = $202.00.  It turns out that the $2.00 may well be the best two dollars I’ve ever spent.

Well Dick didn’t take PayPal, so I sent a money order.  A week later he said he got it and the day after Thanksgiving (November 25) he claims he mailed it priority mail from Akron, OH.  It should have gotten here by the following Tuesday at the latest.  It never arrived.  I called Dick (who happened to be at home in the middle of the day on a weekday..) and told him I hadn’t gotten it and he’s like “well.. I mailed it.. it should be there soon..”  It never got here.  After three weeks the postal service will let you file an insurance claim for something lost in shipping, but the person who ships it must file the claim.  Turns out Dick didn’t keep the receipt, something they require, so he couldn’t file the claim.  At this point it was a week before Christmas so I got Stephanie a regular Nintendo DS, and I looked around on eBay to find out what I could do.

I found out that if you purchase shipping insurance and the seller fails to provide it, you qualify for eBay Standard Purchase Protection Program.  They will refund me what I paid for the item ($190.00) minus a $25 processing fee ($165.00).  I have until 90 days after the transaction to file for that, so I told Dick that I would give him until February 1st to refund me the money, and that if he did so I wouldn’t escalate the claim.  I explained that if I escalate the claim eBay will reimburse me, but that they would also probably investigate him and his account would suffer or something.  He said he could definitely get me the money by February 1st.

Well today is February 1st and there is no money.  I have sent Dick five e-mails in the last week, none of which he has responded to.  So I submitted my claim this morning.  Hopefully in another month or so I’ll get $165.00 from eBay, meaning I’ll have only lost a net total of $37 dollars, which isn’t too terribly bad.

Oh I forgot to mention that not long after Dick said he shipped my system his name showed up in eBay as “Not a registered user”, which means I can’t leave negative feedback.  What a Dick.

I got this e-mail a while back, and thought I would devote a blog post to it.  I have chosen not to present it in the 72-point format in which it was originally presented to me, and I removed mid-sentence line breaks; otherwise, none of the text has been edited except to interject my comments.  And to be clear: the bold/italic text is the e-mail, the other text is my commentary.

Think about this: If you don’t want to forward this for fear of offending someone-----YOU’RE PART OF THE PROBLEM !!!!
Well okay, start out by judging/insulting me.  We’re off to a good start.
Grammar Math:  Lesson 1:   (all caps) + ! × 4 = I’m so pissed!  This situation is literally worse than the Holocaust!

Will we still be the Country of choice and still be America if we continue to make the changes forced on us by the people from other countries that came to live in America because it is the Country of Choice??????
I mean, people from another land coming to America and forcing changes on the locals.. that’s never happened here before, right?
Grammar Math:  Lesson 2:   ? × 6 = rhetorical question mark

Think about it!
One of us needs to.

All we have to say is, when will they do something about MY RIGHTS?
Y’all don’t know what it’s like, being male, middle class, and white.

I celebrate Christmas...........but because it isn’t celebrated by everyone.............we can no longer say Merry Christmas. Now it has to be Season’s Greetings.
Last I checked, you still have the freedom to say whatever you want in this country.
Grammar Math:  Lesson 3:   . × n = pause to speculate on wasted life (for n > 3)

It’s not Christmas vacation, it’s Winter Break. Isn’t it amazing how this winter break ALWAYS occurs over the Christmas holiday?
Get out!  Is you fo serious?!

We’ve gone so far the other way, bent over backwards to not offend anyone, that I am now being offended. But it seems that no one has a problem with that.
If you’re saying no one has a problem with people saying “season’s greetings” instead of “merry Christmas”, I believe you didn’t watch much TV last December.  But please go on describing your plight.

This says it all!

This is an editorial written by an American citizen, published in a Tampa newspaper.  He did quite a job; didn’t he? Read on, please!
You need to learn when to use a comma instead of a semicolon, especially since you will soon express strong feelings against people who don’t talk good American.

IMMIGRANTS, NOT AMERICANS, MUST ADAPT.
I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Sept. 11, we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Americans. However...... the dust from the attacks had barely settled when the “politically correct!” crowd began complaining about the possibility that our patriotism was offending others.
So you think the country is more politically correct now than it was before 9/11?  I’d argue that we’ve shifted away from the political correctness emphasis that we saw in the 90s.  But that’s another issue entirely.

I am not against immigration, nor do I hold a grudge against anyone who is seeking a better life by coming to !America.
I think you’re about to prove yourself a liar.  Before you go on, might I suggest putting exclamation points only at the end of your sentences?  Programmers like me might think “!America” means “not America.”

Our population is almost entirely made up of descendants of immigrants.
This is true.  Good job.

However, there are a few things that those who have recently come to our country, and apparently some born here, need to understand. This idea of America being a multicultural community has served only to dilute our sovereignty and our national identity.  As Americans...... we have our own culture, our own society, our own language and our own lifestyle. This culture has been developed over centuries of struggles, trials, and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom.

We speak ENGLISH, not Spanish, Portuguese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language.
..or Sioux, Apache, Iroquois, Algonquin, Cherokee..

Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society, learn the language!
Wait, if they don’t know the language, how will they ever read your request that they learn it?

“In God We Trust” is our national motto. This is not some Christian, right wing, political slogan..  We adopted this motto because Christian men and women.......on Christian principles............. founded this nation..... and this is clearly documented.
“In God We Trust” didn’t start appearing on currency until the Civil War.  The founders had nothing to do with that.  It didn’t supersede “E pluribus unum” as a national motto until the 1950’s, when we wanted to separate ourselves from the officially atheistic communists.  Again, nothing to do with the founders.

As for the founders: yes, they were Christian men (can you name a single founding mother?), who were influenced by their Christian values and principles.  But that doesn’t mean they wanted a Christian government; in fact, they didn’t want the government to impose a religion upon them.  And this is clearly documented (see the first amendment, for starters).

PS: That’s called citing your source, something that’s a good idea to do after claiming that something is clearly documented.

It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools.
Where is “In God We Trust” on the walls of a school?

If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home.........because God is part of our culture.
God being part of our culture is different from God being part of our government.

If Stars and Stripes offend you, or you don’t like Uncle Sam, then you should seriously consider a move to another part of this planet.
Why stop there, why not move to another planet entirely?

We are happy with our culture and have no desire to change, and we really don’t care how you did things where you came from.
Neither did Geronimo.

This is OUR COUNTRY, our land, and our lifestyle. Our First Amendment gives every citizen the right to express his opinion and we will allow you every opportunity to do so!  But once you are done complaining....... whining... and griping....... about our flag....... our pledge.... our national motto........or our way of life....I highly encourage you to take advantage of one other Great American Freedom.......
The right to bear arms?

THE RIGHT TO LEAVE.
We don’t want your wretched refuse anyway!

It is Time for America to Speak up
If you agree -- pass this along;
if you don’t agree -- delete it!
Is there an option for ridiculing you on my blog?

AMEN
This was a prayer?  I wasn’t even bowing my head.  You should have told me.  Now you’ve made me go and be irreverent.  Thanks a lot.

I figure if we all keep passing this to our friends (and enemies) it will also, sooner or later get back to the complainers, lets all try, please!
I thought you said the complainers don’t know English?  If so, at least they won’t be able to criticize your run-on sentence.

About four weeks ago, I got a phone call that I wouldn’t normally have even answered, but I was in a good mood that day.  As it turned out, the call was from the Nielson Ratings people.  The woman asked me if I knew what the Nielson Ratings were, and I said yes.  She then asked me a bunch of other questions about what kind of shows I watch and how many tv’s we have in the house.  My favorite question was when she asked if we had DVR.  I answered yes, and then she proceeded to clarify that she meant the device that digitally records shows off of tv, and not the hardware that simply plays DVD’s.  While I could have replied, “Is that the thing what plays them small shiny discs?” I composed myself and simply said that I knew what DVR was and that I was sure we had it.  The last question she asked was to see if I was interested in being a Nielson Family for a week and filling out a booklet reporting what shows I watched and the times that I watched them.  I thought this was entertaining due to the sheer volume of shows that I watch everyday as I am currently not employed with nothing else to do.  (If you wish to remedy my lack of employment, please feel free to contact me.)  The woman told me that I would be receiving a booklet for each tv we owned in the near future and that we were to record our show schedule starting February 9th.  By this time, Kip had gotten home from work.  He was confused by the strange look on my face (amusement) and the things I was saying on the phone.  He was especially startled when I got off the phone squealing because the last thing the lady said to me was that in appreciation for our participation in the process they would be mailing me $15 with the booklets.  I was excited because that is like “free money”!

Well, three days ago the booklets arrived, and to our surprise the $15 included was not in check form which we both expected but in the form of a ten and a five!!!  So it really was free money!!  We have officially started recording the shows we watch.  The only problem I have with this whole process is that the Olympics are this week, which means all of the shows that we normally watch are doing reruns this week.  So it isn’t like this is an accurate account of the shows we normally watch.  But I can’t complain because I got $15 for watching tv!!

This past Tuesday was Valentine’s Day, as I’m sure you’re aware.  I suggested to Stephanie that we go out to eat that night.  She said it would be crowded, but I said we’d leave early and get there by about 6:00.  I mean, it was a Tuesday night, and no one gets off work for Valentine’s Day, and who likes to eat that early anyway?  Turns out a lot of people.  We got to The Olive Garden at 6:00, to be told there was a “130-150 minute wait”!  We decided to go next door to the Red Lobster, where the wait was only an hour, then we went to the Toys’R’Us nearby to pass the time.

Now I know what you’re thinking- Kip!  You are SO clever!  I mean, I bet you’re the first person to notice that Valentine’s Day can be abbreviated “VD,” an acronym most of us associate with “venereal disease.”  That is SO clever!  I mean.. wow!

While that is true, I ask you to please refrain from devoting your comments to telling me how clever I am.  I know all about it (I was there when I wrote it).

In other news, I mailed off the Nielson Ratings packets this morning.  If you’re curious how the system works, I’ll give you a quick rundown of the things I found interesting (see also Stephanie’s previous post on the same topic).

• They first contact you by phone, ask you a bunch of questions, the last being if you’d like to participate.  After you say yes, they tell you they’ll pay you fifteen bucks.

• Then they send you a TV Diary for each TV in your house.

• That $15 they send you is in cash.. like, a Lincoln and a Hamilton.

• The diary is a grid, with columns for each person in your house on the right.

• Recording in the diary can be a little tedious.  You have to record the channel call letters or name, the channel number, the name of the program, and who watched it.

• If a program was DVR’ed (as most everything we watch is), you have to list the date and time that it was recorded as well.

• Sweeps week runs from Thursday through Thursday.. so we had two Thursdays to record.  Makes sense I guess, since Thursday is the most watched TV night.

I enjoyed being a datum.  In fact, I generally do.  People will call me on the phone and ask me if I’d like to participate in a survey.  “I’ve been waiting my whole life for this moment,” I always tell them.  Well maybe not, but I should try to remember to do that next time.  It’s just refreshing to know that a dataset reflects me, because a lot of times you hear statistics and think “Where did they get these numbers?!”  Especially for something like TV, that matters, unlike irrelevant things like psychology.  However, I was disappointed that we were selected during Olympics week, as many of the shows I normally watch were either reruns or just not aired.  But there is a spot at the end of the diary for comments, and it asks you to list any shows you normally watch but didn’t get to during this week.

People can come up with statistics to prove anything.  Forty percent of all people know that.
  --Homer Simpson

It’s no secret that my blog has a huge fanbase in the Olympic snowboarding community.  And by huge I mean nonexistent.  That’s what she said!  Anyway I was watching snowboarding the other night, and noticed that all the snowboarders wear really baggy clothes, and I can’t figure out why.  I mean in every other sport I’ve seen except figure skating and curling the athletes wear those spandex things for aerodynamics (even cross-country skiers).  It seems like being an aerodynamic snowboarder would allow you to get more air in the stunt events, and it would allow you to go faster (especially important in the snowboard cross, I’d think).  I have a few theories as to why they wear baggy clothes:

1. Snowboarding has its roots in skateboarding, where baggy clothes serve a purpose.  When you fall and slide along the pavement while trying to skateboard down the huge hill near your house, the baggy clothes help to keep you from getting as messed up as you would have otherwise.  Maybe the sport is so young that they are still wearing the vestigial baggy clothes?

2. Snowboarding is a sport that the cool kids are into, and spandex is totally uncool.  I think this is a large part of it.

3. Maybe the added resistance of baggy clothes helps them do tricks easier?  This still wouldn’t explain why they wear them in the snowboard cross.

Anyone know of a good reason for snowboarders to wear the baggy clothes, other than aesthetics?  My guess is that eventually some European will race in the spandex stuff, and finally start beating some Americans (since we’re dominationing the sport), and then everyone will start snowboarding in the disturbingly anatomically revealing spandex.