Posts tagged “funny”
Kip An actual conversation
Written by Kip on Friday, September 26, 2008 at 5:56 pm (EDT)
Tagged as:

My mom called me today, and this is how our conversation began:

Me: Hello.
Mom: Hey.
Mom: Do you have gas?
Me: What?
Mom: Do you have gas?
Me: ...
Me: ...No?
Mom: For your car, do you have gas for your car?
Me: Ohhh... yes.

No Comments
Kip That’s what she said
Written by Kip on Monday, August 11, 2008 at 8:14 am (EDT)
Tagged as:

Behold!  The original utterance of “That’s what she said,” from a 1992 “Wayne’s World” skit on Saturday Night Live, predating The Family Guy by seven years, and The Office by thirteen years.

That is all.

No Comments
Kip Counting
Written by Kip on Tuesday, July 15, 2008 at 11:35 am (EDT)
Tagged as:

This is one of the funniest things I’ve seen in a long time.  It’s Count von Count from Sesame Street, singing a song in which the word “count” has been bleeped out, with hilarious results.  (The video’s pretty old—maybe everyone has already seen this and they just forgot to tell me about it.)

Kip Stuff White People Like
Written by Kip on Wednesday, June 4, 2008 at 3:34 pm (EDT)
Tagged as:

A hilarious blog I discovered a few months ago is Stuff White People Like.  I’ve been meaning to mention it here for a while, but a good post last week, entitled Being Offended, reminded me I needed to share.  Here is an excerpt:

Naturally, white people do not get offended by statements directed at white people.  ...  As a rule, white people strongly prefer to get offended on behalf of other people.

Another good one is Knowing What’s Best For Poor People:

It is a poorly guarded secret that, deep down, white people believe if given money and education that all poor people would be EXACTLY like them. In fact, the only reason that poor people make the choices they do is because they have not been given the means to make the right choices and care about the right things.

Those are two of my favorites.  Some other good ones to read are Study Abroad, Music Piracy, Organic Food, Hating Corporations, Religions that their parents don’t belong to, and Grammar.

And for a great cross-section of the kinds of idiots that reside on the internets, try to read some of the comments!  (I say “try to” because very few people will actually succeed.)

No Comments
Kip Save the earth with better CSS!
Written by Kip on Monday, November 26, 2007 at 7:57 pm (EST)
Tagged as:

A few weeks ago I received an e-mail with the following at the end of the message:

Please don’t print this message unless you really need to.  Our forests will thank you by providing the oxygen your children will need to survive.

What a brilliant idea!  All that paper that I’ve been using to print e-mail messages really adds up and hurts the environment.  And to think I’d never thought of it until I saw this message.

But then I got to thinking: why stop there?  Maybe I should stop printing out webpages too.  I don’t know about you, but I used to print out the entire Wikipedia on the second Tuesday of every month.  You just never know when the whole site will go down, or when some vandal will vandalize your favorite page with obscene vandalisms.  When that happens, it’s good to have a hard copy to turn to.  I used to think this was a victimless habit, since I would print it from work.  (No way I can afford five hundred reams of paper per month!)  But now I see that there is a victim.

The Earth

From this day forward, I pledge that I will no longer print out the Wikipedia or any of the other Internets.  I estimate that this will save seventy-four thousand, six hundred acres of rain forest per year.  (My office only buys paper made from endangered rain forest trees.)

But I am just one person.  What if someone else wants to print out websites?  Is there anything I can do to stop him or her?  Well, if I am the administrator of a website I can.  And so can you!

Just create a new file, named save_the_earth.css.  In that file, just put this little snippet of code:

1

* { display:none !important; }

Save that file somewhere on your site.  For simplicity’s sake, let’s say you put it in the root of your website.  Now, in the HTML for every page on your site, just put this somewhere in the <head> tag:

1

<link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="/save_the_earth.css" media="print" />

Voila!  Now whenever someone tries to print out a page on your website, they’ll get something like this:

The earth, saved

Go ahead and do a print preview on this particular website.  You’ll see that I am not lying!

Unfortunately, the header and footer will still be printed on each page due to a browser “feature.”  Since this can harm so many trees, I consider it a major bug, but none of the browser manufacturers agree with me.  Yet.  But until this bug is fixed, at least there will be minimal ink wasted.  And no matter how much data is on the webpage being printed, it will all fit onto one page.  That’s pretty neat!

And the best part about all this is that it is 100% standards-compliant.  In addition, it has been tested on all major browsers, without any workarounds.  Now that is something web developers can really get excited about!

But here’s the part where I need your help!

I need the help of you, the reader.  I’m only one guy, but there are a lot of trees out there to save.  Sure, I’ve saved the trees required to print this website, but we need more websites to do this.  It’s so easy, anyone can do it!  So spread the word to any and all you know.  Tell them, “By allowing users to print, you are allowing them to destroy the earth!”  Write your Congressmen and/or Congresswomen.  Tell them, “We need to do something about earth-hating eco-terrorists like Google and Wikipedia!  Please pass a law requiring them to prevent users from printing their webpages!”  If we all work together, we just might be able to save this planet before we run out of trees!

No Comments
Kip Swimming to Brazil
Written by Kip on Friday, July 20, 2007 at 9:44 am (EDT)
Tagged as:

I noticed something interesting on Google Maps today.  I had followed a link giving driving directions between Rio de Janeiro and Sao Paulo, Brazil.  I changed the “from” address to Charlotte, NC.  I was expecting either a “no routes found” message or a path taking me along the Pan-American Highway (although that is apparently not complete).  Instead what I got was a joke from the Google Maps developers:

Google Maps route to Brazil, including instruction to swim across the Atlantic ocean

Very clever, guys. :)

Interestingly, I couldn’t reproduce this behavior with any other destinations.  I tried London, Paris, Honolulu, Tokyo, Sydney, Havana, and San Juan.  All said they could not calculate driving directions.  Must be the work of a Brazilian programmer.

Kip Kids are funny
Written by Kip on Monday, July 9, 2007 at 2:33 pm (EDT)
Tagged as:

Super Mario Paint Cleaner box artBill Cosby has shown conclusively that kids say funny things.  But if you’re not convinced, here is further proof...  A few months ago we had some friends over, and they had their kids with them: Julia, going on 3 at the time, and Ethan, about 5 and a half years old.  When the kids got bored (very shortly after they arrived), they began looking for things to do.  Ethan very quickly found our DVD/video game rack.  He started looking through our games, with no regards to alphabetical order.  I suppose the fact that he can barely read at this point makes alphabetizing difficult, and it also makes identifying the game from the binder side nearly impossible.  He was drawn to the robot/cyborg looking character on the cover of the Metroid Prime 2 box, and asked to play that.  I thought the controls for a console first-person-shooter would be a little complicated for a five year old, but we let him try any way (sorry ESRB, I know you rated the game “T for Teen”).  I was surprised when he managed to pull off a screw attack, one of the harder things to do in that game.  He could have just gotten lucky with the timing while mashing the B button repeatedly, but I saw him do it more than once.

He ran around for a while, shooting stuff and turning into the morph ball and back, but he didn’t really know what he was supposed to be doing so he got tired of the game and went back to the rack.  Then I heard him say “Mario Paint Cleaner!”  By which he meant, of course, Super Mario Sunshine, which involves cleaning graffiti off of walls.  This was a game he had played before, but I was nonetheless impressed by this five-year-old’s skillz.  I saw him jump on a tight-rope, then jump off of it and use the hover nozzle in mid-air in order to reach another rope.  Not too shabby for a five-year-old.

Of course, I refuse to play him in Smash Brothers.  I don’t need to risk being humiliated by someone who was still in diapers when I started playing the game.

No Comments
Kip Why putting your foot in your mouth isn’t always a bad thing
Written by Kip on Sunday, November 26, 2006 at 10:05 pm (EST)
Tagged as:

Sumo Lounge bean bag chairSo I mentioned quite a while back that I had been reading The Daily WTF.  Well a little over a year ago I sent something in.  Not bad code, but a funny story about an interview experience I had.  Last Friday (on my birthday, ironically), Alex (who runs the site) decided to run my story along with four other interview stories.  He also decided to take a poll of which story was the best, and the submitter of the winning story would win a bean bag chair from Sumo Lounge.  Well my story won (seen here, the one titled “Are You An Astronaut?”).  Be forewarned:  the version of the story shown on the site has been edited a little bit from what I sent in (which will be faithfully reproduced at the end of this post).  I kinda feel bad that I stopped reading the site a few months ago because I got bored with it... but I got an e-mail this week saying that I won an Omni bean bag chair, I just needed to pick a color (I went with Charcoal Green).  These things are supposed to be pretty nice (and at $150, they’d better be!); I’ll be sure to let you, o faithful reader of my blog, know what I think of it.  Hopefully the blonde comes with it.

As promised, here is the original version of the story that I sent in:

Fresh out of college, I was interviewing for a junior programming job at a company that develops software for aerospace/automotive companies.  So far the day was going well.  I interviewed for about an hour with someone from HR, then interviewed for another hour with the person who might be my manager, and that interview went really well.  Then to close the day I interviewed with the project manager (the previous manager’s manager).  Again, things were going well.  There was a lull in the interview where the guy was looking up something on his computer, so I started looking at the things he had up around his office.  On one wall he had a collage of NASA stuff.  Without thinking, I guess to make conversation or something, I asked him if he was an astronaut!  It was one of those situations where I was regretting it even as it was coming out of my mouth.  He looked at me like I was retarded, then said “no, I was a project manager at NASA.”

As it turns out, I was somehow still offered that job, and it’s where I’m working now (a little over a year later).  I don’t know if the guy remembers me asking that or not, but he’s my manager’s manager so I don’t really see him that often.

Kip Sin City - funniest movie of 2005
Written by Kip on Monday, January 16, 2006 at 10:03 am (EST)
Tagged as:

I saw Sin City over the weekend, and I know the movie came out over nine months ago, but I’m going to review it anyway.  And you’re going to sit there and read it, because you’re the one with nothing better to do but read someone’s blog that you just have on your buddy list because you talked to him once like seven years ago to ask for help on a math problem or something.  Don’t you have some kind of job or homework to work on now?

Getting back on topic: This movie was hilarious!  I think the funniest part was the way Frodo was killed.  That was ridiculously funny!  I was laughing for like five minutes after that.  And then the immortal Bruce Willis, who got shot like fifty times without dying.  What was up with that?  Oh and when he (literally) punched the yellow guy’s face in, that was really funny too.  And when the lesbian parole officer looks at her (missing) hand and is like “HE MADE ME WATCH!!!!!”... I found that funny.

So anyway, I kinda liked this movie in an I-don’t-really-need-to-see-it-ever-again kind of way.  I liked the really artistic approach to the film, it really did feel like I was watching a comic book.  If you’re not going to be grossed out/offended by violence that competes with Mortal Kombat for the Most Over The Top award, it’s worth checking out.  The movie has also been accused of being violent toward women (at least, I heard some dude on the radio complaining about that once), but there were lots of guys castrated in this movie, and the hookers weren’t exactly defenseless victims, so I don’t really see what the big deal is.

I also liked how Rory, even when she plays a prostitute, is incapable of not being incredibly cute.  I think she wins the Cutest Hooker Ever award.

Kip The Coal Bear Re-Pore
Written by Kip on Thursday, October 27, 2005 at 9:11 am (EDT)
Tagged as:

In the interest of giving my loyal fans some new blogopodian content, I’d like to state, for the record, that The Colbert Report is awesome.  I would have posted this two weeks ago, but I wanted to give it a little time to see if the rest of the show would be as awesome as the first two episodes.  Well they have decreased in quality just a little bit, but they’re still really funny.  The level of arrogance is one I’ve only seen matched by Maddox.  The other night he had a segment where he said Rosa Parks was overrated.  That’s the kind of statement that you’d expect from Maddox.  Now I’ll make a little prediction about the show:  I think that eventually he’ll get rid of the “I’m going to walk to the guests instead of the other way around” thing.  Sure, it was really funny at first, but it will get old.  It’s like South Park killing Kenny each episode.  After a while it stopped being funny, and they wisely removed it from the show.  But I digress, and I need to be coding right now.

Other broadcasters read the news to you.  I promise to feel the news at you.

No Comments
 
RSS feeds: Kip's - Stephanie's - Both