For the first time in Vacant Nebula history, I have retracted a blog post.  Upon further consideration (and a little pleading from Stephanie), I realized that the post might cause this website to show up as a result for certain search queries.  Let’s just say, Dateline might have been interested in anyone who came to the site and was disappointed that the link did not, in fact, point to the type of content that was claimed.  In addition, I do not want to attract that kind of attention to a website that has pictures of my daughter.

Fortunately, no one has yet arrived at my site by means of such queries.  For anyone interested, here are the top 20 search engine queries that brought visitors to this website in May, 2008:

That last one is a little weird though.  Yikes!

I’ve played a lot of games lately, so I thought I’d post some quick mini-reviews for anyone who cares.  Without further ado..

Metroid Prime 3: Corruption
All in all a pretty fun game, although something just doesn’t feel quite right.  Looking back on the Metroid Prime games, I think that the first one was the best.  But I’m not sure why, because I played 1 & 2 back-to-back last summer, and I thought 2 was far superior when played that way.  But when they aren’t fresh on my mind, I think the first one was better!  I can’t figure out why, since those thoughts contradict each other.  Some other thoughts: this is also the easiest of the Prime games, and the presence of voice actors was a little weird to me.  Finally, I have to mention the two super-cool unlockables.  One is ship bumper stickers, which means it looks at games saved in your Wii system memory and puts their logo on your ship.  So there’s a giant Zelda triforce on the top of my ship, and a Paper Mario head on the side of my ship.  And the other cool unlockable is a Samus bobble-head doll with your Mii’s head on it.  Normally I wouldn’t think seeing my head on a woman’s body was very cool, but I’ll make an exception in this case.  You can see both of these unlockables on your tubes.

Super Mario Galaxy
This game was just great.  I’m not sure how else to say it.  As you probably already know, the game takes place on micro planets that you can run around.  Playing around with gravity is incredibly trippy.  There are even a few places where a planet is small enough that a long jump can literally put you into orbit!  I wonder what Isaac Newton would say if he were alive to see this game?  Stephanie also enjoyed the commitment-free 2-player co-op.  She was able to help sometimes by freezing enemies.  In fact this was so helpful it felt like cheating sometimes, especially because she could just hold bullet bills in place, then I could take my time.  The game does have a few bad points.  Namely, Spring Mario.  Fortunately, you only have to use Spring Mario about 4 or 5 times in the entire game (in fact, I don’t think I ever used it until after the first time I beat the game).

Guitar Hero 3: Legends of Rock
I’ve played Guitar Hero games a few times, but this was the first one that I actually owned and spent significant time on.  I think my skill might have plateaued at can-beat-nearly-everything-on-hard-and-a-few-things-on-expert.  Unfortunately the Wii version of this game had some problems, like the fact that it only outputs sound in mono.  This is a music game, how did that get past the QA process??  Another annoyance is the lack of co-op quickplay feature (not that this is a huge deal to me, personally, since I only have the one guitar).  For the 360 and PS3 versions of the game, a patch was released to add that feature, but of course the Wii isn’t quite that capable.  Oh well.  I just put my disc in the mailbox this morning to get a replacement disc that does have stereo sound, but they said it could be 3-4 weeks, and I might be quite busy with other things in 3-4 weeks, so it may be a while before I get time to play GH3 again.

Prince of Persia: Rival Swords
As you may know, this is the third game in the Prince of Persia: Sands of Time trilogy.  (Well technically Two Thrones was the third game, and this is a port of the third game.)  The first game in this trilogy was just amazing.  One of the best video games I’ve ever played.  Unfortunately Ubisoft rushed out the sequels without giving them the same love.  The Warrior Within was a train wreck of a game.  In this game they’ve gotten back on course a bit, but it still seems to fall short of the first game.  But I have to admit I’m only partway through the game.  The Wii controls are a little tacked on, but they aren’t really bad.  They are comparable to Twilight Princess (where Wii controls were also tacked on).  Somehow the graphics seem worse to me than they were in the original game, but maybe I’m just not remembering it correctly.  I’ll have to go back and see sometime.

Okay I guess that’s all I’ve been playing in the last several months.  Until next time, take care America.

Now that 2007 is then rather than now, it’s time to look at some of the things that happened then.

The year began with a review of 2006.  Much like the one you are reading now!  By the way, I apparently write like a girl.  I got a chance to eat lunch with my boss’s boss’s boss’s boss’s boss.  I may have miscounted the number of bosses but it’s something like that.  I named a new medical condition, frigidamanus supermus.  Doctors and scientists are still trying to catch up.  My niece—only 6.5 months old at the time—learned to play the ukulele, with yours truly as an instructor.  Around Easter, Stephanie took a shortcut to the bottom of a staircase.  She saved some time but broke her foot in the process.  I made some observations last summer, and now everyone thinks I’m a racist.  Oops.  We bought a house, and just five months later got around to posting some photos of said dwelling.  I theorized a bit on human eyes, and soon reported additional evidence in a follow-up post.  My right eye dominates both of yours.

Then of course there was the big news.  Stephanie has a parasite living in her abdomen, which we found out lacks sufficient organs needed to be called a he.  So when she joins us in March, hopefully her father will be up to the task of raising her.

Some other things happened last year too.  The sixth anniversary of 9/11 occurred, and I posted my account of that fateful day for all to read.  I also visited the top-left corner of the lower forty-eight, where I worked with some aeroplanists.  Shortly after that I got a year older, something which unfortunately happens every year.  Hopefully scientists get around to inventing immortality pills soon.

Aside from that, I made several posts about things that I spend time with.  These included some video game reviews, as well as some other video-game-related posts.  I also geeked out on Lost for a couple posts.  Who or what is Jacob!?  I think he’s Superman, and Lost Island is his new Fortress of Solitude.  That’s gotta be it.  Let’s see, what else...  I made several posts regarding software development, and a couple posts to make the internets better.  I also posted some comments on pop culture in what I am calling the “OMG dju hear” series.  Expect to see more in that series from time to time.

If you like to look at other people’s photos, three photo albums were posted this year.  Feel free to check those out.

Lastly, I have to mention the series of five posts where I dug up my old drawings from middle school.  I was apparently pretty demented.

Enjoy 2008.

Over the weekend (Saturday in fact!) yours truly completed his twenty-sixth lap around the sun.  The only thing I know of that changes on your twenty-sixth birthday is that you can no longer be drafted.  Of course, they aren’t drafting anyone nowadays, but if they started doing it again I’d be safe.  Unless of course Congress changed the rules, which I believe they are perfectly capable of doing.  In any case, I’m continuing to get older.  Somehow on this year’s birthday I actually felt more than a day older.  It seems absolutely impossible that a full year has passed since I passed the quarter-century mark.  And it’s not that I haven’t done anything all year.  I guess it’s that I have done a lot of “grown-up” stuff in the last year.  I bought a house, for example.  I went on a business trip.  I started making mortgage payments.  I filed my own taxes.  And the big one, of course, is that I’m going to be a father in four months.  A dad.  This guy is going to be responsible for the life of another human being.  I mean, we are talking about a person who not only created a drawing of a guy in a giant toilet riding a turd, but he posted said turd cowboy onto the various internets.  That’s just craziness.

Maybe, just maybe—with the help of her seemingly sane mother—my daughter will turn out to be more than a demented sociopath.

Yee-Ha!

It is said that anyone who was alive when President Kennedy was assassinated still remembers where they were when they heard the news.  I think it is safe to say that my generation will have the same experience when remembering the events that unfolded six years ago today.  What follows is my account of that day.

It started out as a normal day a few weeks into my sophomore year of college at NC State.  Garrison and I set out bright and early from 508C Sullivan Hall to Daniels for our 8:05-9:20 Discrete Math course, where we met up with Jason and Nate.  After being bored out of our minds for an hour and fifteen minutes, the four of us headed over to The Atrium for breakfast.  I think I had Chik-fil-a that morning.

We sat down to eat as a nearby TV projected CNN images at us, but there was no audio.  If there was a crisis you couldn’t tell it from looking around.  There were no groups of people standing around staring at televisions screens.  I, too, wasn’t very concerned.  At this point only the first plane had hit, and I was unaware of just how wide the building was.  This led me to underestimate the size of the hole: it just looked to me like some kind of small propeller plane had crashed into the building (remember that there was no video of the first plane hitting the building for several days).  I thought it was an unusual event which probably claimed the life of the pilot, who was probably the only person in the plane.  I wondered if the people inside had time to get out of the way or if any of them were injured, and why someone would be dumb enough to fly a plane so low in the middle of Manhattan.  I concluded to myself that it must have been a poorly planned stunt by a thrill-seeker.  The idea that this was no accident had not yet crossed my mind.

Since there were only thirty minutes between classes, I had to practically inhale my food, leaving me with little time to ponder the events on TV.  I quickly headed off to Winston for my 9:50-11:05 Philosophy course.  I overheard a few people talking before class about how a plane had hit the World Trade Center, but I didn’t hear anyone say that a second plane had hit yet or that it was a terrorist act.  Still thinking that it was a small plane, I wrote this off as your typical overreaction to unusual but ultimately insignificant news.

After class I walked back to the dorm room, and when I came in Garrison said “the towers are gone.”  “What?!”  “The World Trade Center towers.  They’re both completely gone.”  I think I sat down and watched the news for a while, trying to comprehend how it could have possibly happened.  The towers had always been there.  How could they have both been destroyed in the hour and a half since I had seen one tiny hole in one of the towers?  After a few more minutes of Fox News it became abundantly clear that this was more than an accident made by some idiot in a small plane; this was a deliberate act by several idiots in two very large planes.

I don’t remember much of what happened for the rest of the day.  I peeled myself away from the news long enough to take a shower, and for some reason I distinctly remember trying to make sense of it all in while I was in there.  I guess that happens when there’s no computer or TV to distract you.  Later that day, our 2:35-3:50 Linear Algebra class was cancelled (as were all classes).  The next time the class met—just two days later—the professor made a way way way too soon 9/11 joke.  To help illustrate something about vector math he had drawn an airplane on the board, in front of which he proceeded to draw a tall building and cackle.  Amazingly, Garrison, Jason, Nate, and I were about the only ones in the room who didn’t laugh.

everything is gonna be alright, be strong believe

If you’re just joining us, where have you been??  This is the conclusion of a series on my demented mind.  If you’re lost, try reading all the other posts first.

Bookstix IV was pretty good, it actually had some semblance of a plot.  But for Bookstix V, I went all-out with the story.  There were pages of text between every so many drawings.  The basic gist of the story was that the aliens from Bookstix IV were actually “archaliens,” sent to scout out our planet.  They killed most of the inhabitants, and now the more powerful “nualiens” had arrived.  The only earthling armies left were the Americans and Arabians.  And believe it or not, they actually teamed up with each other, in order to have any kind of hope against their new alien overlords.  The surviving earthlings were known as “Rebyls.”  The entire book followed these star wars of the worlds for independence days.

Another improvement in Bookstix V came in the artistic media.  All blood was drawn with colored pencils: red for rebyls, and purple for aliens.  In addition I used a drafting pencil for a lot of the background work, which had much softer lead than your standard bubble-filling #2 pencil.  So without further ado, here are some pages from the book.

First up is some of that text I was talking about.  This comes from the book’s introduction, and I think is probably the best writing in the whole book.  I still like it, although I have a problem with the way it posits the big bang theory and the theory of evolution as competing theories trying to explain the same thing, when that isn’t at all accurate.  I think most of all I like the way the drawings accent the text, and IMHO this is pretty well-written stuff here, except for the last paragraph maybe.

Moving on to battles, here we have the first one, which takes place on the Rebyl Warship.  Since it was in outer space and there was no gravity, I drew this with the speech bubbles going in all directions.  The explosions with the starfish-shaped light beams are from antimatter guns.  If you look closely you can see quite a clear difference in the darkness of the two types of pencils I used, especially with the text where I probably used 0.5 mm lead in a mechanical pencil.  I like the alien who is shooting the guy with two guns at the same time, splitting him into three parts.  Awesome!

Here is the second battle, which I think was meant to be happening in parallel with the first battle.  This is the aliens’ mother ship, being attacked by the rebyls.  Things to note: a painful alien examination of human reproductive organs (since they seem to like to do that during abductions), and a reference the lyrics to Closer by Nine Inch Nails.  I’m not sure why, I never really liked NIN all that much.  Also, some jokes from the two warship pictures: both of them have someone from the opposite group wondering what kind of spaceship this is, and in both cases someone is reprogramming the ship to have a destination of hell.  Because spaceships can travel there you know.

There was more of that story line that I won’t recount here.  Basically we find that the aliens are seeking Iron Trinicklide (FeNi₃), a substance that is plentiful in the earth’s core, but has been almost entirely depleted on the aliens’ home planet.  Throughout the book the aliens fight their way to a mine in South Africa, the deepest in the world, and start blasting a hole into the earth (to get to the core).  The book ends with a four page conclusion, which reveals that the aliens got the rock they wanted and left our planet in ruin.  That was four pages of single-spaced text, at a time when teachers struggled to get students to write a five paragraph essay.

I tried to start Bookstix VI: Vigilante Justice, whose title page is pictured here.  Unfortunately I lost interest after half-drawing a single battle.  The idea was that the earth was in chaos from the events of book 5, with no police, military, or government, and now the only way to survive was to become a vigilante.  I had intended to improve by using black ink (like, from a pen) for some of the detail work, and everything was to be drawn on plain white paper.  You can see this on the title page actually.  This was concluded at the beginning of my second semester of ninth grade, when I was fifteen.  I guess I just got bored with drawing these things.

Before we go, here are some random bits of information that I either forgot to mention earlier this week, or couldn’t work into the narrative.

• Most of my books were dedicated to “people in the future reading this after I die.”  Hopefully that won’t be until I have grandchildren that find these drawings and say “mom what was wrong with grandpa??”

• If you’re wondering, I pretyped about 90% of the material in these five posts in one sitting, last Sunday.  That’s just one of many ways I maintained a quality level consistent with the The Lord Of The Rings movies.

• I was originally only going to scan one drawing representative of the whole work, but I started looking through my drawings and realized there was way too much stuff worth sharing.

• To give more props, Kevin was doing stick drawings first, then Keith, Garrison, Peter, and I all borrowed the idea to varying degrees over the next three years.  It was definitely either Kevin or me who produced the most of these things though.

• While I was scanning these things, I scanned Garrison’s entry in my eight grade yearbook.  He made a post on his blog about it.  Go check it out if you haven’t already.

• Anyone found on the back page of a sheet of paper would be executed by a character from Mortal Kombat.  I really liked fatalities.

• A teacher did actually see these books once, when I let someone (I think Keith) borrow one of my books (I think the first one) to read it, and he was doing this during class and it got confiscated.  Either Mrs. Mims didn’t understand what it was or she didn’t look inside it, because we got it back later without getting into any trouble.

Well that concludes this week of Kip’s drawings from when he was 12-15 years old.  Let me know if you think this whole five-part series was cool or if it was way too much crap to read.  If you guys like it I may do something similar in the future, if I ever come up with a topic deserving several posts.  I hope you’ve enjoyed it.  And hopefully you’re not too much more scared of me now than you were a week ago.  Have a good Labor Day weekend!

If you’re just joining us, this is the penultimate post in a five-part series.  You can read the first, second, and third posts to get caught up.

I was on a roll.  The Book and The Book II were lots of fun to make.  I had plenty of time in school to draw these violent stick wars, so I next embarked upon World ‸^Stick War III: The Book.  In this book I decided to utilize chapters, grouping similar battlegrounds together.  I also reduced the number of armies to the following six: French, Russian, American, Chinese, Japanese, and Teenagers (yes, teenagers).  So let’s look at a couple of drawings from this era.

What you see here is the first drawing from the “Towers” chapter of the book.  As you might guess, this chapter contained drawings of stick men fighting on top of tall structures.  In this case, they are on bungee jumping towers.  You can see where I originally drew an arch-shaped bungee tower, but then erased it and went with some less-realistic towers.  There’s not much more of interest in this picture, I was kind of running out of ways to kill people.  One thing to note is how much better my drawings of people on fire got.  By this point I was drawing a person on fire pretty much the same way I might draw it today.  Here is a comparison of someone on fire in the first book versus the third book:

You can almost taste the burning flesh and hair.  Good stuff.

Next up is an image from the “Honey I Shrunk The Sticks” chapter.  I included this one to remind everyone just how funny a drawing like this was in seventh grade, in case you forgot.  I mean there is a guy riding a turd.  A turd cowboy, if you will.  (Note to self: if I ever decided to produce moviefilms of a scatological nature, I have a great title.)  You can see in this one that I again spent more time on the background than on the fighting itself.  What’s sad is that I recall sitting on the floor of the bathroom at home while sketching this out.  That’s dedication to your art.

I kind of got bored with the whole concept of W‸^SWIII:TB and ended it early.  As I recall, I didn’t do any work on it in the summer between seventh and eigth grade, and by the time eight grade started I decided I would start a new book instead.  This book would be Bookstix IV: The Next, Next, Next, Next Generation.  I’m not 100% sure, but I think the “Stick Books” to “Bookstix” title change was a reference to Southern Bell changing their name to BellSouth.  Starting with this book, I referred to the stick men in the book as “stix”, rather than “sticks.”  I don’t remember which armies there were in this book, but I know I introduced Arabian stix and a new type of alien stix (which now resembled four-armed versions of Alien).  This book actually had some sense of a story line, although I don’t think it would have won any awards.  So now let’s see summa them wars.

Here we have a battle at a satanic cult.  Which should really be viewed as having strong school spirit, seeing as how we were the Red Devils, encouraged to show “devil pride.”  You will see that Satan is wearing clothes, unlike most of my stix.  There is actually a reason for this:  Keith drew stick-wars also, and his stick men were unique in that they wore clothes.  So it was an in-joke that the devil himself was a clothes-wearing stick.  The clothes-wearing god pictured is also a reference to Keith’s stick men.  Check out the sexy orgy down at the bottom!  That’s pretty hot!  I’m thoroughly convinced that there’s nothing you can think of so perverse that a kid in middle school hasn’t already thought of it and drawn it on paper.

Tension had been brewing between my stix and Keith’s stick men, and this battle is the culmination of it all.  Believe it or not, Bookstix IV wasn’t all about Keith’s stick men, I just selected these two drawings because they were different from what you’ve seen the past three days.  It was nothing personal against Keith; I mean, I couldn’t claim he stole the idea of drawing stick wars from me, since I actually stole the idea from Kevin.  But getting back on track,  I really like this image because it’s just so incredibly violent.  Like, Quentin Tarantino violent.  I mean, a guy gets shot, bifurcating his body.  Then, while the top half of the body is flipping over, more bullets take off the head.  So you’ve got a guy with a three-part body, spewing blood all over the place.  It’s dripping off the ceiling!  And in another place, a guy is grabbed by the feet and used like a baseball bat to kill another guy.  And there’s an Arabian guy down at the bottom pulling a double Sub-Zero fatality.  Awesome!  The page after this battle was titled “aftermath of the page 14” and just contained the word “censored” written diagonally across the page in large letters.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this series so far.  Tomorrow morning I’ll wrap it up with discussion of Bookstix V, my greatest work of stick violence ever.

“bifurcating” is a cool word.

If you’re just joining us, this is part 3 of a 5-part series.  You may want to go back and read part 1 and part 2 if you haven’t already.

Following the success of The Book, it became evident that a sequel was needed.  At the start of seventh grade, I began work on The Book II.  In this book you can definitely see an improvement in my artistic skill, although a lot of my ideas were getting stale by that point.  I also reduced the number of armies, but I don’t recall the extent of that reduction.

First up is page 13 of the second book, which takes place aboard a pirate ship.  For this battle and this battle only, you got to see pirate sticks.  Unfortunately there were no ninjas in this book, so there is no ninja vs. pirate action.  In this drawing I broke the fourth wall... with a cannon ball.  Doesn’t that make your eyes hurt!  Do you still refer to the barrier between the image and the viewer a fourth wall when it’s a drawing and not a play/movie/tv show?  You can also see the censored profanity that I first started using in this book, coming from the guy who just killed Flipper.  And check out the guy getting delicately split in half by a machine gun.  That must have taken skill!

Next up is a drawing from the bad taste department.  This one took place at the site of the Oklahoma City bombing.  You can clearly see some censored worty dirds in there.  Notice the social commentary here: the press is blocking the road, preventing emergency workers from getting to the building.  That’s a powerful metaphor or something.  There’s also a reference to Beverly Hills 90210 and its overuse of sex.  At least, I think that was something the show was known for.  I’ve never actually watched it.  I have however watched Nickelodeon’s What Would You Do?, which is also referenced here.  Notice even more social commentary on the inefficiency of governmental organizations (in this case, the FBI, who only just now determined that this was caused by a bomb).  And apparently the local news stations are KILL and KKKI.  Which I assume was meant to be pronounced KKK-1.  Since that would be a really bad call sign for a television station.  Get it?

For today’s final image, I present the one that would have been most likely to get me expelled from school: a drawing of my middle school.  With the principal standing out front.  And she’s about to become the victim of a drive-by.  While she says “stop the violence.”  Yeah, I think they might have overreacted to that.  Can you tell by the not-one-but-two “a.k.a. Hell On Earth” banners that I wasn’t extremely fond of my time spent in middle school?  This drawing, like the Oklahoma City drawing, was one where I spent a lot of time drawing the background, but then never drew the stick men fighting.

I’ve also blurred out the name of someone I didn’t like.  Contrary to what you may interpret, this person never actually did anything to me, at least not physically.  Actually I never really got into fights.  I mean, I’m clearly not a violent person.  No, I’ve blurred out his name because I have no idea what he’s like now: I haven’t actually talked to him since probably around the time I drew this.  I’ll let go of the past because I realize now that he was probably a jerk back then because he had crappy parents that treated him just as badly, if not worse.  He’d already gotten more than he deserved for the things he did, before he even did them.  The sad thing is that odds are good he’s in a prison right now.  Or that he has a kid or three that he cares for about as much as his father cared for him.  But I hope not.  Wherever you are, blurred-out-name-guy, this post goes out to you.  Here’s hoping that you’ve done more with your life than the statisticians, politicians, sociologists, and economists would predict.  Maybe you even graduated high school in my class, in which case (if you’re not in prison) I might see you at a reunion sometime down the road.  No hard feelings, okay?

Join me tomorrow as I take a look at World ‸^Stick War III: The Book and Bookstix IV: The Next, Next, Next, Next Generation.

As I stated yesterday, my first and longest book of stick art was entitled The Book.  In The Book I started out with eight different armies, and partway through I added eight more armies.  The armies included Americans, Feminists, Chinese, Nerds, Nazis, Ninjas, Drug Dealers, Aliens (the kind from outer space, not the kind from Mexico), and Scuba Divers (yes, there was an army of self-contained underwater breathing apparatus enthusiasts).  I apparently stayed away from any armies based on race, at least as I understood race at the time (I thought Arabian was a subset of “white”), and I also tried to balance the number of members of each race that are dying.  I guess this is another thing that could get me sent to Gitmo, as the Americans weren’t doing all the killing (that’s high treason!).

What you see here is the very first page of my first book (not counting the title page, table of contents, or advertisements).  One of the features included is a bad attempt to represent the way the Chinese language sounds to a twelve-year-old who doesn’t speak it.  In retrospect, that is probably pretty offensive.  You’ll also see that there is a “danger room” at the bottom of the cliff.  Personally I would have opted for a hot chicks room, but to each his own.  There’s not much blood in the early drawings, at least not compared to my later drawings (you’ll see this more clearly as the week progresses).  The people with three pony tails, four arms, and two mouths are aliens.  In case you were wondering.

Now I present you with another picture that could have gotten me arrested.  Maybe it could still get me arrested?  This battle took place in Washington, DC and was subtitled “The Clintons Croak.”  I don’t think this was an attack specifically on the Clintons; they just happened to be the people living in the White House at the time.  You’ll see that Bill, Hillary, Chelsea, and Sox Clinton all get assassinated.  Well technically, Sox is only thrown from the second floor, which I now know most cats could survive just fine.  There is also a baby being beaten against the side of the building, which was a reference to something that happened in some book we had to read that year.  I don’t remember the specifics.

Next up is a pretty typical battle, taking place in an underground base in Antarctica.  Here I introduced the element of torture, as some dude is holding a gun to a feminist, who is begging him not to shoot her.  We don’t know what happened next, but I think everyone can agree that it was pretty sexy.  I also must have liked the idea of a stairway leading to Hell, as both this drawing and my first drawing featured one at the bottom.  I’m not sure why a secret underground base in one of the most remote locations on earth would have a giant “To Base” sign advertising its presence, but I guess it’s not likely to be seen by anyone who wasn’t already on his way there anyway.

For today’s last image, I’ll leave you with a battle in an underwater base.  I think this was supposed to be the Scuba Divers’ army’s headquarters.  You’ll see a Nazi about to get harpooned (the Nazi soldiers have swastikas for faces.. because I couldn’t think of any other way to draw them I guess).  I didn’t realize it until I started typing this, but I totally have a thing for harpooning Nazis.  But that’s okay; if video games have taught me one thing, it is that it is always, always honorable and virtuous to kill zombies, Nazis, zombie Nazis, aliens, and fast zombies.  Speaking of harpoons, Willy (of Free Willy fame) (mispeled as “Wiley”) is getting harpooned.  There’s also a sewage pipe that just pumps the sewage out in the water above the base.  Why would they build that pipe?  If they weren’t going to dispose of it properly couldn’t they just have pumped it directly into the water?  I guess if they did it that way some guy couldn’t be eating the sewage.  And eating sewage is always hilarious.  For more bathroom humor, check out the “john” where someone has really stunk up the place, so much so that two dudes have passed out from the smell (see, you can tell because they are laying on the ground and saying “sniff, sniff.. Shoo!!!”).  There’s also a drug deal going down at the bottom of the ocean (hey, that’s where I buy all my drugs).  Hey check out the cracking glass: that’s actually almost decent art!

That’s all for today.  Tomorrow I’ll have some scans from The Book II.

Last week Garrison tipped me off to this story about a thirteen-year-old kid who got suspended from school for drawing something that resembles a giant gun.  Seriously, is that all it takes to get suspended?  If I were that age today, I would probably be expelled.  In fact, they might send me to Gitmo and throw away the key.

I’ve decided that I’m going to devote this week to sharing some of the things that I drew at around the same age.  Beginning around the second semester of sixth grade (which is to say, early 1994, when I was 12 years old), I drew pictures of stick man wars.  This is something I continued for approximately three years, culminating at the start of the second semester of my freshman year of high school (early 1997, at 15 years of age).  During this time I completed five “books” of these drawings.

For today, I’ll leave you two pages from The Book, my first and longest book (fifty pages!).  Stay tuned as I plan to make a post each morning this week before leaving for work.

If that kid got suspended for drawing a gun, then you can imagine what they’d do if they found a drawing like this.  This was basically a catalog of all the weapons I had used or might someday use in my stick wars.  I need to give some context to the “nazi star” you see on the page, before you leave dozens of comments accusing me of being a racist:  there were many different armies in my drawings, one of which was the Nazi army.  The “nazi star” is a swastika-shaped throwing star, which the Nazi stick men would use sometime.  For the same reason you see a calculator attack (one of the armies was Nerds) and a cape smother (one of the armies was “caped crusaders”).  In tomorrow’s post I’ll elaborate on the different armies.

In my books I included advertisements, and here is an advertisement for “Bombs ‘R’ Us.”  I believe the tone of the ad was a parody of some commercial on TV at the time, that said something like “big cars, little cars, black cars, white cars.”  It may not have been cars per se, but I think there was some commercial like that.  I just changed the subject to bombs.  Check out those 10 inconvenient truths locations.  I guess I picked locations that were either (a) hard to reach; (b) devastated by war; or (c) Madagascar.  You’ll also see a reference to Sega’s pre-ESRB video games rating system.

Check back tomorrow morning for some stick wars from The Book.