I haven’t made a post in quite a while (over two weeks).  For those of you who have been eagerly anticipating something deep and moving, I have to apologize, as this post is decidedly meh.

I am sharing a comment on Yes Man, Jim Carrey’s newest movie.  If you haven’t seen the trailer, I’ve conveniently posted it below.

Here’s the thing.  I’ve already seen this movie.  Except last time the guy lied all the time, but now he says “no” all the time.  And last time magic forced him to change his behavior, whereas this time he experiences some kind of enlightenment.  Other than that, I think it’s the same movie as Liar Liar.  While Liar Liar taught us the importance of telling the truth, Yes Man will teach us the importance of giving in to peer pressure.

I think I’ll say “no” to this one.  (See what I did there?  I’m so clever.)

I had to devote a small part of my blog to spreading the word about The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters.  I wouldn’t be doing this except for the fact that you probably haven’t heard of it.  It’s a movie about Steve Weibe’s efforts to beat “Gamer of the Century” Billy Mitchell’s 1982 world record Donkey Kong high score, and the efforts of Billy and his posse to stop him.  It’s a documentary, but it’s still really entertaining and hilarious.  I won’t spend time repeating things you could read on various other sites.  I’ll just suggest that you go see it if you can find a theater that’s showing it (you currently only have two options in North Carolina..).  Failing that, save it in your Netflix/Blockbuster queue so that you can watch it whenever it comes out on DVD.

you’re the best around, nothing’s gonna ever keep you down

You’ve seen it way too many times.  Two people who are clearly wrong for each other are supposed to get married.  An elaborate wedding ceremony has been planned, family has come in from out of town, and everyone is excited to wish the new couple well.  Everyone, that is, except one of the two people getting married.  Ten minutes later still no bride.  Or maybe the bride shows up, and as the couple exchanges vows, one of them gets the shocking realization that maybe this isn’t right.  And in response to “do you take this man/woman to be your lawfully wedded husband/wife?” there is a long pause.  The minister will repeat himself, as if somehow he was misunderstood.  Then the bride/groom responds “...no... no, I can’t do this, it’s just not right.”  Suddenly everyone in the church gasps in awe because they didn’t see this coming and honestly they were just there for the free booze.  At this point, either the bride runs out of the church in tears, or the groom scrambles off.  Or sometimes one of them will confess their true feelings for someone else present in the church.

I’m sure you’ve seen a scene very similar to what I’ve just described in countless movies and TV shows.  You may have even read such a tale in a book or two.  It is super cliché, but it must be the first thing they teach you in screen writing school.  Just before they teach you that one bullet is enough to make a Ford Explorer explode.  But does this ever actually happen in real life to real human beings?  I’d say it’s pretty rare.  I’ve never known anyone who’s encountered such a situation.  I’ve never even heard a third-hand tale of someone being left at the altar.  Given how much people like to gossip about the misfortunes of others, you’d think word would spread fast and linger for years.  But the only incident I know of is the runaway bride from two years ago that got far too much media attention.  So I ask all of the writers who read my blog: please don’t write a scene involving someone getting left at the altar.  We are all pretty tired of it.

by now you should’ve somehow realized what you’ve got to do

Today at work, I did absolutely nothing productive.  Now some of you might think, “Yeah, right.  It just feels like you did nothing productive.”  But, truly, I did absolutely nothing at work today.  Everything I touched turned into waste that I threw out at the end of the day.  So to pass the time of this interminably long day, I came up with an idea for the post that I am now making.  (And yes, I do realize that a similar question was posed on “The Office” in Season 2.)

If you were going to be stranded on a desert island for the rest of your life, and were allowed to take five movies with you, what would those movies be?  Ground rules being that any mode of movie is allowed be it VHS, DVD, reel-to-reel, etc, and compilations or multi-disc movies count as a single movie.

My personal TOP 5 (“High Fidelity” geeks are enjoying this) are as follows:

5:  Sahara
Matthew McConaughey...need I really say more?  However, I will humor you.  This movie is excellent in my opinion.  The relationship between McConaughey and Zahn (Al in the movie) is hilarious, and neither of them is bad to look at for two hours over and over again.

4:  Anne of Green Gables Box Set
Ok so there really isn’t a box set, but it is a movie divided into three parts (the last one being absolutely fictitious and not from the books), and I want all of them.  It’s my list, so I make the rules.  It is a wonderful story, and has sentimental value between Kip and myself.

3:  Legally Blonde
We all know that deep down inside, we all wish we were blonde.  The movie is so funny, and cute, and corny, and great that it has to be on everyone’s’ list.

2:  Pride and Prejudice  (The A&E version only, any other version is a sheer abomination.)
This movie is by far one of my favorites.  I love the book, and this is the most accurate adaptation I have ever seen.  The acting is phenomenal, the clothes are classic and accurate, and the actors themselves really fit the parts (can you say Colin Firth is Mr. Darcy).  The music is excellent as well.

And at the top of my list...

1:  Kip and Stephanie’s Honeymoon Video from Hawaii
If I’m going to be stranded on an island for the rest of my life without my husband there in person, I at least want to be able to see the two of us together while we were both very happy, in a beautiful location.  I would miss him too terribly to not have some part of him there with me.  I’m sure all of you are thinking that is the dumbest, corniest pick yet, but I don’t care.  I love Kip!!

Now it is your turn.  Post your lists if you dare allow the rest of the world (or at least our readers) know exactly what kind of person you really are.

Stephanie and I went to see Jackass: Number Two over the weekend.  We were the only people in the theater, which I can’t remember ever happening before.  I guess there aren’t that many people who want to see Jackass at 10:40 on a Saturday morning (our movie theater has $4.00 movies before noon on Saturday, so that’s about the only time we go to movies).  So anyway, the movie was... about what you would expect.  If you liked Jackass, you’ll probably get a kick out of the movie.  I am not sure what compels normal, sane people to watch this movie.  The whole movie you’re saying “Idiots!” at the screen.  Oh and they upped the amount of nudity from the last movie.  Unfortunately, this is probably a bad thing for most of you, since it was all of the male variety.  If you haven’t heard about some of the things in the movie, let me run down a few of them.  There’s the part where Steve-O shoves a huge fish hook through his cheek and then goes swimming with hammerhead sharks.  And another part where he attaches a leech to his eyeball.  Come to think of it, most of the more disgusting things I’m describing involved Steve-O...  There is the “fart helmet”, which is kind of like an astronaut helmet attached to a tube, and I’ll leave it to your imagination how the other end of the tube is used.  But when it is used, he starts throwing up in this helmet, which is one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever seen.  For a minute I was afraid I was going to throw up just from seeing and hearing this—I can’t remember any other movie ever having that effect on me.  There’s also an anaconda pit, where Johnny Knoxville and one of the other guys get repeatedly bitten by anacondas, by the end their arms are covered in blood.  On a lighter note, there was the medicine ball dodge ball—in a small, dark room, with something like seven guys and five medicine balls.  And there are lots of people getting attacked by bulls.

Well I left out a lot, and I’m not going to attempt to assign a numeric rating to this movie.  That would be pointless anyway—I think you already know if you’ll like it just from reading the title.

Growing up, some people might say I was a little sheltered by my parents.  Looking back, I would say that I agree, but I don’t feel that it was a bad thing at all.  We didn’t watch all this garbage that is on TV these days.  Then again, I don’t really remember what was on TV back when I was growing up.  However, I do remember one thing that we loved to watch over and over again, and in my opinion this is what really kicked off the “Princess” fad.  My mother would go to library repeatedly to check out the Shelley Duvall’s Faerie Tale Theatre.  This was a series of the old faerie tales that we all know and love, but performed by real people, some of my more favorite movies being The Dancing Princesses, The Three Little Pigs, and of course, The Princess and the Pea.  I tell you all of this background because this past weekend, Kip and I were up in Raleigh visiting with friends and my little sister.  While we were there, Mandy and I watched her copy of Rogers and Hammerstein’s Cinderella.  This prompted me to tell Mandy that what I would really like for Christmas this year, was a copy of The Dancing Princesses on DVD.  She proceeded to say that it was totally awesome.  When we got home, I had to go to BJ’s to get new tires for my car, and while waiting I wandered around the store and found a DVD which was the complete collection of Shelley Duvall’s Faerie Tale Theatre.  Of course I immediately bought and have been watching the movies contained on the six disc set of movies.  For those of you that are unaware of the number of movies contained in the collection, I will quantify it for you; there are 26 faerie tales in all.  And they are all totally amazing.  Kip has been “watching” them with me, but doesn’t seem as totally enamored with them as I am, but he doesn’t seem to understand the awesomenisity of their awesomeness.  He doesn’t realize that growing up watching these movies and totally loving them then has caused me to not care how old they look, or how bad the acting is.  They are the movies that helped to mold and shape my young mind.  I will always love and cherish them for as long as I live.  What is even cooler is that the next generation of little Princesses is going to get to experience the magic of this series as well since my mother wanted me to get a copy of the collection for her to give Peanut (my soon to be niece) for her to watch as she grows up too!!!

Today I’ll discuss a few movies that I have seen in the last month or so.  As I’m back on Netflix again, I have seen quite a few movies lately, so this isn’t an exhaustive list.

Mean Girls:  I was surprised to find that this was actually a pretty intelligent movie, that was funny even to someone who was never a teenage girl.  I found out later that it was written by Tina Fey, which explains why it’s funny (and why all those SNL people were in it).  This movie just goes to prove my theory that girls in high school are stupid.  Plus, if you don’t like the movie, there’s plenty of incentive to at least continue watching the movie.  I’d give it a 4/5.

The Da Vinci Code:  I had considered making an entire post about this movie but I decided I didn’t really have enough to say.  This movie was decent--not great, but not as bad as the reviews would lead you to believe.  I don’t fully understand the controversial nature of this film--I mean, the Daughters of the American Revolution didn’t protest National Treasure.  A point is made a few times in the movie that this is a secret that could destroy the church, or the church’s validity, or something like that, by proving that Jesus wasn’t God.  It’s true that proving such a thing would destroy the most fundamental aspect of Christianity--but saying that Jesus was married or even that he had a child does not in any way prove that he wasn’t God.  Maybe I’d follow it better if I read the book.  I actually tried to read the book once, but I stopped about ten pages in.  Not because I was offended as a Christian, mind you, but because it was much too similar to Digital Fortress, another Dan Brown book which I didn’t like.  Incidentally, I didn’t like it because it offended me--as a computer scientist--that hardly anything in the book was based on the way cryptography actually works.  I mean, I know a fiction writer is free to bend some truths for the purpose of entertainment, but Digital Fortress went far beyond that.  Kind of like at the end of Independence Day, when Jeff Goldblum uploads a virus to the aliens (naturally they use TCP/IP and Pentium processors), only much worse--more like the magic you’d expect to see computers perform on CSI.  Miami.  But getting back on topic, I’d give The Da Vinci Code (the movie) a 3.5/5.

The Aristocrats:  A touching tale of a heartland family trying to make ends meet with their unique Vaudeville act.  Be sure to bring a box of Kleenex and watch it with someone you love.  I give it a 3.5/5.

For the last month or so, my mother-in-law has borrowed my copy of “Legally Blonde” and apparently watched it every day.  So for Mother’s Day, Kip and I bought her a copy of the movie for herself so she could watch it whenever she wants.  This also means that I will get to take my copy back to Charlotte with me, so that I can watch it.  So what do I do?  I get up today and decide to watch it right here in Newton this morning, and Kip’s dad commented that Deborah watches it like everyday. ;)  It has been awhile since I’ve watched it, and it is “super fun!!!”

Also, I’m trying to win tickets to go and see the premier of “Cars”, the new Disney movie that is showing at Lowe’s Motor Speedway in like a week or two.  The radio station I listen to in the morning on my way to work is giving tickets away by quizzing people on lines from Disney movies.  So could there be a more perfect “game” for me to play to win.  I mean, I have seen almost every Disney movie ever made!!!  What I can’t get over is the fact that people don’t know these clips.  One morning no one could figure out that this one quote was from “Aladdin”.  I mean, am I that old that the children of this generation don’t know that movie, all they know are “Monster, Inc.”, “The Incredibles”, and movies like that.  One guy even guessed “Shrek” as the movie and that isn’t even a Disney movie!!!!  The deal is that they give you three clips and you have to get them all right or you loose.  So I’ll keep trying all next week to get through to win tickets for us.  Another funny thing is that you win four tickets to go see the movie and Kip and I don’t have kids to take, so we don’t know who we would take to see the movie.  If you would like one of the tickets feel free to leave a comment with why you feel you should get one of the extra tickets.  It will be enteretaining to see your reasons even if we don’t win.

I saw Sin City over the weekend, and I know the movie came out over nine months ago, but I’m going to review it anyway.  And you’re going to sit there and read it, because you’re the one with nothing better to do but read someone’s blog that you just have on your buddy list because you talked to him once like seven years ago to ask for help on a math problem or something.  Don’t you have some kind of job or homework to work on now?

Getting back on topic: This movie was hilarious!  I think the funniest part was the way Frodo was killed.  That was ridiculously funny!  I was laughing for like five minutes after that.  And then the immortal Bruce Willis, who got shot like fifty times without dying.  What was up with that?  Oh and when he (literally) punched the yellow guy’s face in, that was really funny too.  And when the lesbian parole officer looks at her (missing) hand and is like “HE MADE ME WATCH!!!!!”.. I found that funny.

So anyway, I kinda liked this movie in an I-don’t-really-need-to-see-it-ever-again kind of way.  I liked the really artistic approach to the film, it really did feel like I was watching a comic book.  If you’re not going to be grossed out/offended by violence that competes with Mortal Kombat for the Most Over The Top award, it’s worth checking out.  The movie has also been accused of being violent toward women (at least, I heard some dude on the radio complaining about that once), but there were lots of guys castrated in this movie, and the hookers weren’t exactly defenseless victims, so I don’t really see what the big deal is.

I also liked how the younger Gilmore Girl, even when she plays a prostitute, is incapable of not being incredibly cute.  I think she wins the Cutest Hooker Ever award.

I thought I’d post my opinions on a few movies I’ve seen recently.  It’s kind of rare that I go to the theater three weekends in a row.  When you consider that for almost the same price that it costs for two people to go to the movies, I can watch about 8-10 movies in a month with NetFlix.  Sure, a theater is a better experience than my living room, but not 8-10 times better.  But back to what I was saying.

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
I was expecting something like the Harry Potter movies- kinda boring if you haven’t read the books.  But it turned out that I really liked this movie!  It was a great movie with very likeable characters and a very good story and good acting.  I thought the little girl’s acting was especially good.  I wasn’t expecting the big LotR-esque battle scene at all, but didn’t have any problems with it.  Like I said, I’ve never read the books, but they’re definitely on my list of books to read in the future.  I can’t really think of anything bad to say about this movie.

I give it 5/5 stars

King Kong
I had sort of mixed feelings about this movie.  I think my biggest problem was that I had very high expectations, while at the same time knowing that it would be pretty much impossible for Peter Jackson to live up to The Lord Of The Rings.  The special effects for Kong himself were really good, and the crazy fight between Kong and a hojillion T-Rexes rocked the casbah.  And yeah, you’re supposed to feel really sad and drained at the end when Kong dies, and I did.  But the movie really didn’t need to be that long.  I mean, it is an hour and a half into the the movie before Kong ever appears.  There are many movies that are done in that length of time.  Did we really need that subplot about the suspicious younger guy and the black guy that was all overprotective of him?  I didn’t get anything from it.  And the dinosaurs didn’t really look much better than the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park... twelve years ago.  But I really mention that as a statement of how good the effects in Jurassic Park were, especially for their time, because the dinosaurs in Kong didn’t look bad or anything.  So to sum it up, I found the movie better than average, but not that much better.

I give it 3.5/5 stars

Just Friends
Umm.. it was a holiday/romantic comedy.  Within the constraints of the genre it was a very good film.  If it weren’t for Ryan Reynolds (a.k.a. Van Wilder), I don’t think I would have liked it very much.  But I think he is incapable of being not-funny.  Like all good romantic comedies that lean more towards the comedy side than the romantic side, the first half of the film is hilarious, and the second half is slower because they figure they need to give the characters some depth so that you feel something when the protagonist almost gets the girl but then somehow blows it and has to win her back all over again.  You know, the standard plot that probably predates Shakespeare.  Now when you see that I give this movie a higher rating than King Kong, keep in mind that it is relative to the genre.  I don’t think this movie will have anyone crying or anything.

I give it 4/5 stars