I thought I’d point you guys to Geronimo Jack’s Beard. It’s a podcast about Lost from Jorge Garcia (Hurley) and some girl named Beth (I think she’s Jorge’s significant other, or maybe she’s just a friend; she’s not one of the actors though). They recorded these podcasts after initially reading the scripts, but they are only releasing them as each episode airs (for obvious reasons). It’s interesting because Jorge is just as confused as the rest of us, even though he is on the show. They are only doing it for this season, so there’s only three episodes out right now if you want to listen to them all.

I’ve created a compact (fits on one page!) version of the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics TV schedule. (Similar to the one I made for the 2008 games.)  And, like last time, I thought it’d be polite to share it with the world.

You can download it here (PDF format)

A few things to note:

• Times were retrieved from nbcolympics.com, on 2010.02.12. They are subject to change.

• Times are for east coast United States time zone. They’re also in military format to conserve space and avoid ambiguity.

• I don’t care about hockey, and there are a ton of hockey games, so I didn’t include them. If you’re into hockey this isn’t for you.

• Whatever aired on NBC from 8pm to midnight is usually re-aired at 1:30 am that night. I didn’t include that on my schedule.

• Some of the curling events are probably re-airings of the same events, but I’m not sure. I left out some that I thought were re-airings which might not have been. But does anyone really need to watch more than an hour of curling every four years? Just pick one hour, watch it, comment about how it’s such a weird sport and the people look so funny with their brooms, then forget about the sport entirely until the 2014 games in Russia.

• Universal and Universal HD air stuff nearly every day, but it looked like it was all recaps so Ieft it out.

• This was a bit tedious so it’s quite possible I made a typo or two.

• Feedback always welcome

Last week I did something quite significant. I told my DVR to stop recording The Simpsons. Can you believe the show has been running for twenty years? That’s crazy! Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to care about the show lately. My DVR would record it, but I usually wouldn’t watch it until there came one of those rare days when we generally didn’t have anything to do. Then I’d sit down and try to get caught up on Simpsons episodes. I say “try” because only about fifty percent of the time would I actually be able to watch the whole episode. The other half of the time the show was delayed because of some sporting event that I couldn’t care less about, which means at best I could see the beginning of the episode.  In fact, just such a thing happened when I went to watch the 20th anniversary special, which I had heard was very good. This was when I finally decided to give up on the show.

So far in this post, I’ve done a lot of complaining. While complaining a highly popular sport on the internet, I’m going to try to spend the rest of this post reminiscing fondly.

I was exactly eight years and one month old on December 17, 1989. I have no idea what I was doing that Sunday evening, but I know I wasn’t watching the first episode of this new cartoon on Fox called The Simpsons. Before long, everyone knew who Bart Simpson was. I knew that Bart’s show was one of those shows that I wasn’t allowed to watch. It’s actually quite strange, by today’s standards, to think that this show was ever controversial. Especially the first season or two. I mean, the family even went to church and there’s usually some kind of “everybody hugs” moment at the end of the show. What’s even stranger, though, is to consider that there would be no Fox News today if it weren’t for Bart Simpson’s popularity.1

Once when I was in fourth grade I decided to sneak a peek at this forbidden show. It was Homer Defined, the episode where Homer causes a meltdown unrequested fission surplus at Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. That episode aired on October 17, 1991, but I could have been watching a rerun of it. I didn’t see what was so great about the show, but I only saw a few minutes of the show before turning it off and going back in the living room for fear of being caught watching this show I wasn’t supposed to watch. The part I saw was where Professor Frink showed a diagram of concentric circles and explained that “These unfortunate people [in the center circle] will be instantly killed.  This circle, which I am sad to say we are in, will experience a slower, considerably more painful death.”

The first episode that I really watched in entirety was The Front, the one where Bart and Lisa write an Itchy & Scratchy cartoon and submit it in their grandfather’s name. In the cartoon, as I recall, Itchy sends Scratchy to heaven, either by killing him or by knocking him upward very far. Itchy arrives through Elvis Presley’s floor, with his head going into the TV. Elvis says something like “this show ain’t no good” and shoots the TV screen (and Scratchy). I’m not sure why, but my brother and I thought that was the funniest thing, and we repeated the line over and over. “This show ain’t no good. BANG!”2 That episode aired April 15, 1993, but we were watching it in syndication. I was in middle school, so it was probably more like 1995 when I watched it.

After that, The Simpsons became a show that we watched regularly. I think it was on twice a day in syndication, so we got caught up on the first five or six seasons pretty quickly. Over the next decade, I watched pretty much every new episode that aired. There were many great episodes and many forgettable episodes. Two that jump to mind are The Cartridge Family (where Homer gets a gun), and Homer’s Phobia (where Homer has a new friend that he finds out is gay). I continued to watch as the quality of the show went downhill for a while, before it seemed to kind of bottom out in the mid 2000s.

If I had to pick one moment in the show where I might say the show jumped the shark, for me anyway, it would be Million Dollar Abie, which aired on April 2, 2006.3 That was the episode that featured the “diePod.” I remember thinking to myself, “this is the kind of writing I can expect from this show. Who thought this was funny?” It just epitomized every corny joke that I hadn’t laughed at over the last few years.

That’s not to say that there haven’t been any good episodes since then. The funniest episode in years was That 90’s Show, which aired in 2008. The episode featured a flashback to the 90s, hilariously and intentionally shattering the show’s continuity. I mean, the show technically started in the 80s, so a flashback to the 90s should just be a flashback to the first ten seasons of the show! This was combined with many many references to the decade I became a teenager in, so I guess it was designed to appeal to me. I mean, Homer was in a Seattle grunge rock band named “Sadgasm.” The song “Closing Time” was used throughout the episode to represent the entire decade. Weird Al makes a guest appearance. They watch an episode of Seinfeld. I was laughing the whole episode.

Unfortunately, since that time I haven’t kept up with the show. When the show moved to HD, it started requiring a lot more space to have eight episodes of the show sitting on my DVR going unwatched. Maybe the writing isn’t really at fault; maybe I’ve actually grown into and out of the target demographic over the past twenty years. Whatever the reasons may be, I’m now saying goodbye to the show.

How to tell if Kip will hate a television program: ask yourself, “does this show feature amateurs doing some kind of performance, after which they are critiqued by three judges, one of whom is foreign and mean?”

If the answer is yes, then Kip will hate the show.

I don’t know about you guys, but I thought tonight’s Lost was excellent.

In the interest of those of you who haven’t seen it yet or are waiting for DVDs... that is all.

I just watched a TV show (Chuck) which featured a sepia-toned flashback to the summer of 1990.  Although I was only eight years old at the time, I distinctly remember the world consisting of more colors than brown.

Behold!  The original utterance of “That’s what she said,” from a 1992 “Wayne’s World” skit on Saturday Night Live, predating The Family Guy by seven years, and The Office by thirteen years.

That is all.

I was looking for a listing of the broadcast schedule for the Beijing Olympics that begin tonight, and I had trouble finding anything in a format that was close to what I wanted.  Fortunately, as a programmer, I am used to taking existing data and manipulating it into a format that I want, with the help of a regular expression or two.  The idea was to have something very compact that I could print out, that would be useful when deciding what to record on our DVR.  I figured I’d share what I made.

• 2008 Olympics Schedule in PDF format (probably your best bet)

• 2008 Olympics Schedule in Microsoft Word format

• 2008 Olympics Schedule in ASCII text format (not very pretty)

A few notes:

• Schedule is subject to change.  If it does, blame NBC and China.

• I used data from TeamUSA.org because it was the closest format I found to what I actually wanted.  If it is wrong, blame them.

• All times are correct for the east coast and most are correct for the west coast.  Otherwise, I’ll quote the source data: For NBC primetime and late night, all times listed are ET/PT.  NBC weekday daytime show airs at same time in all time zones.  For USA, MSNBC and CNBC all time listed are ET.  For Oxygen all times listed are ET/PT.

• The data is sorted by air date, to make it easier to pick what to Tivo in the next 24-hours.  If you’re trying to find when a certain event occurs this probably isn’t the format you want.

• The data is very compressed because it was intended to be printed.  Through the magic of columns and margins I got it to fit on just two pages.  I wanted to make it compact, because everything I’ve found online is either a huge spreadsheet or a huge list.

• I have omitted the listings for events streaming from NBCOlympics.com because this was intended to help with DVRing.

• I have omitted the Telemundo listings because I don’t speak Spanish.

• I have omitted the Universal HD listings because they all said “24 hour coverage.”  No need to repeat that every day.  (The listings for USA were almost as vague with 12-hour blocks, but they at least listed the events that would be shown.)

• I’ve omitted NBC Olympics Basketball and Soccer channels because: 1) it is pretty obvious what they air; 2) I don’t know if we get them; and 3) if we do I still don’t have any desire to watch basketball or soccer.

• Be sure to watch in the HDs if you can.  6.75 times more pixels FTW!

I didn’t hold the highest opinion of Time Warner Cable before, but lately they’ve sunk to a new low.  They want to start introducing bandwidth caps on users but they can’t do this for existing customers who signed up for unlimited internet.  So what do they do?  They offer a new “deal” where you can get cable, internet, and digital phone service for a “locked-in rate” for a year.  Buried in the fine print is the fact that you’d also be signing up for a bandwidth cap.  Even worse, the afore-mentioned locked-in rate requires you to sign a contract for a year of service.  So if you found out after the fact that your bandwidth was capped, you’d have to pay a $150 early-termination fee to get out of the contract.

What is even more ridiculous is that the limit is set at 20GB per month.  When I first read about the 20GB limit, I thought surely that is per day.  That I could live with.  The only way you’re likely to use 20GB a day is if you’re downloading torrents constantly (which I still say is none of their business—courts have already ruled that the ISP is not responsible for what users do on their network).  But 20GB a month is very easy to reach even if you’re not pirating anything, especially if you watch TV online, or if you use VOIP (i.e. Vonage, Skype).  It’s almost as if Time Warner’s internet department has some financial incentive to limit competition from Time Warner’s cable TV and digital phone departments!  No, that’s just crazy talk.

I kinda know someone who will be on national TV this weekend.  Stephanie’s sister’s husband’s sister is Miss North Carolina USA.1  She is in Las Vegas right now preparing for the Miss USA pageant, which will air on NBC this Friday, April 11th, at 9:00 PM.